


Loop

by ContraryNonsense



Series: Dream Store [1]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fantasy, He gets better, Hinted Binu, Honestly Think of a Reverse Bell Curve of Emotions, I swear it ends happy!, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, MJ dies a lot, Strongly Hinted Socky, Time Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-06 20:04:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11043345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ContraryNonsense/pseuds/ContraryNonsense
Summary: Myungjun woke up knowing today was special. For once in his life he really wishes he was wrong. Now he just wants today to end, but it never does. He curses the day someone ever mentioned the phrase "you only live once..."





	1. Bottled Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time ever posting a work, so please take care of me! This story was one I've had in my head for ages, but I was never quite able to get the pieces to work together. Then out of nowhere as I'm stream listening to Astro's Baby (the new album is so good just agfgjdhvuw, go support!) and the perfect inspiration hit me! So I was finally able to fully plan this out. This won't be too long of a story, maybe 4 or 5 chapters. But it will get heavy! This first chapter is actually pretty light, and I hate sad endings so I will end it with lots of sunshine and fluff, but the middle chunks will be at a very different speed. So be prepared! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Shout out to parkjinchu for the encouragement!

Myungjun woke up slowly, ceiling coming into focus as the sound of Dongmin's voice filtered through the door, calling them to breakfast. Rolling over, he swung his feet over the bed and groggily stared at his roommate Jinwoo, who had yet to show any sign of consciousness.

"JinJin", he called out in a lazy attempt to wake him. When that failed, Myungjun got up with a groan and padded over, proceeding to poke Jinwoo in the side repeatedly while calling his name. "JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. JinJin. Jin-"

"Alright already, I'm awake!"

Myungjun let out a snort of laughter as his hand was smacked away. "Come on, Eunwoo is going to come back and nag at us if we don't get to breakfast soon." After getting ready, the two headed toward the kitchen area, where the other members were already eating at various stages of being awake. Dongmin and Sanha were talking somewhat animatedly, with Minhyuk watching and Bin blearily staring at his food.

"Good morning!" Myungjun called out cheerily, dragging a still half asleep Jinwoo behind him. Dongmin looked over with a smile,

"Good morning hyung, as lively as ever I see." As the rest traded their own good mornings, Myungjun beamed back at Dongmin and said,

"Of course! Today is going to be special, I can just feel it!"

“What makes you say that?” Minhyuk broke in, attention now on the new conversation.

“I feel it in my gut!”

“I think that’s just your stomach rumbling,” Jinwoo yawned as he moved to sit at the table. Myungjun frowned at him and joined the rest by sitting down with a huff.

“Anyway, everyone eat up, we have a long day at the dance studio rehearsing and we’ll need the energy!” Dongmin said with a clap. They needed no other encouragement.

  


* * *

  


“Alright, everyone take a break!” Jinwoo called out. Myungjun flopped to the floor panting. They had been going all day, working on new choreography. Dinner was a distant memory at this point, and several grumbles were heard in the room.

“I can’t keep going, I need something sweet!” whined Sanha from the floor where he was sprawled in a star.

“You know we aren’t allowed to have anything sweet this late at night, it’s against our diets,” Minhyuk replied, though his expression gave away the fact that he agreed wholeheartedly.

“Surely a little snack wouldn’t hurt anyone? We’ve been working so hard on our own!”

“The manager wouldn’t let anything like that in the studio, and we agreed to stay the extra couple hours tonight and sleep in tomorrow.” Dongmin broke in sadly.

“Well, one of us could sneak out and buy us some snacks, the convenient store isn’t that far away!” Bin exclaimed, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“It’s almost midnight! We would get in trouble if we were caught going out that late, especially for sweets!”

“That’s why we have to be sneaky!” Bin’s face had turned absolutely cat-like, the mischievous look curling his entire face now.

“JinJin, talk some sense into him!” Dongmin said, turning to their leader for assistance. Jinwoo’s face turned thoughtful. He looked around at the various faces in the room: Dongmin’s concerned face, Myungjun’s vaguely interested face, and the excitement now positively radiating off the three youngest. Seemingly coming to a decision, he nodded.

“Alright. I think it won’t cause too much harm.”

“What?! JinJin!” Dongmin exclaimed, incredulous as the other three gave out cries of excitement.

“Come on Eunwoo, live a little,” Jinwoo replied with a chuckle. When Dongmin continued to glare, Jinwoo sighed and gave a softer smile. “Don’t worry so much, I’m sure they’ll be fine. And I’ll take responsibility as leader if we do get caught.” Dongmin stared a bit longer, then gave in with a nod. He turned to the rest of the group.

“But whoever goes has to keep their phone handy at all times in case something happens, and no side trips!”

“Aww, worried about us Minnie?” Bin said with a grin.

“Yes.” Dongmin said, lightly blushing, which shut Bin up quickly. After a moment of odd silence, Jinwoo clapped.

“Alright, since we are doing this, we need a game plan,” He said. “Any ideas?”

“I think only one person should go, since we need to be sneaky,” Myungjun finally spoke up. He had just been listening until now. While he totally agreed to the idea of snacks, as eldest he shouldn’t actively encourage breaking the rules. But he certainly wasn’t going to help Dongmin argue against it.

“I’ll do it!” Sanha exclaimed shooting his hand in the air. Minhyuk snorted.

“No way, you don’t know how to be quiet.”

“I do too!” Sanha frowned at him.

“You really don’t. You have many talents, but silence isn’t one of them.”

“Then you do it!” Sanha said, now pouting. Minhyuk suddenly looked nervous.

“Can’t, I’m broke.” Sanha gave him a flat look, which turned into a grin.

“Really? Because I think you’re scared!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!!”

“Are too!!”

“Alright that’s enough! Neither of you apparently know how to be quiet,” Jinwoo said with a frown. They both shut their mouths, now pouting. “Alright, that leaves myself, Moonbin, MJ, and…” he looked at Dongmin, who gave him a hard look. “…not Eunwoo.”

“How about we play rock-paper-scissors to figure out who goes?” Bin said.

“I’m good with that. MJ?”

“That’s fine with me.”

“Awesome!” Bin exclaimed. “Alright, loser goes and buys snacks! Ready? 1, 2, 3, go!” Both Bin and Jinwoo played paper, and Myungjun played rock. “MJ loses!” Bin laughed. Myungjun pouted at them.

“Real men play rock first…” he mumbled.

“Which is why we knew you’d play it.” Jinwoo said, patting his back. Slightly mollified, MJ pulled out his phone to take notes.

“Alright, tell me what you want.” They all started giving him their preferences, even Dongmin, who sheepishly said,

“Since you are going…” Myungjun just gave a resigned sigh. His poor wallet.

“Alright, I’m off. I better get some serious thanks when I get back!” Jinwoo stopped him as he was walking out the door.

“Thanks MJ, I really appreciate it. Be careful, okay?” Myungjun nodded with a smile and left with a strangely warm bubble in his stomach.

  


* * *

  


The walk back from the convenience store was oddly quiet in comparison to the relatively normal walk there. At first Myungjun hadn’t noticed, distracted by making sure he got everything and debating whether or not he should eat his now. Then a nearby street light went out, and Myungjun jumped with a start. Looking around, he realized there was no one within sight and he was in an area he hadn’t seen before. When had he gotten here? The shop was just down the street, how did he manage to get lost in that short of a time? 

The air felt heavy and his breathing was getting heavy in panic. He should have paid more attention, Jinwoo warned him and everything. Now he was going to be mugged or kidnapped or murdered or attacked by giants rats or abducted by aliens or- wait was that a light up ahead?

Sure enough, not far in the distance was a small store buried away with a dimly lit rainbow sign. The lights were on and a sign read ‘open’. Desperate to escape the ominous surroundings Myungjun rushed forward and into the store. After all, it had a rainbow sign, how much worse could it be? Inside, he was greeted to the sight of a cozy café setting with plants artfully placed everywhere. There was an empty counter near the back with a bar holding the weirdest collection of drinks Myunjun had ever seen. He swore some of them were glowing.

Though feeling much better from the nice atmosphere, he failed to see any other sign of life in the room except for him and the plants. And though lovely, they made poor company and couldn’t give directions. Looking around, he noticed a bell on the counter. He tapped it, letting a soft chime echo throughout the store. After a few seconds, a door he hadn’t noticed opened and a small petite girl came out. He struggled to place her age, she looked somewhat young, but carried the air of someone significantly older. But, she seemed friendly as she flashed a reserved smile at him so he grinned back and greeted,

“Hello, I’m afraid I’m rather lost, I don’t suppose you could help me?” 

“That depends, what type of help are you looking for?” she asked with a breezy voice, smile twisting to look like she was laughing at an inside joke. Slightly off put, Myungjun answered,

“Err… directions would be nice.”

“Directions for what?”

“What? Don’t you mean where?” 

“Certainly not, I meant what. I can give directions for many things. Certainly for how to reach a location, but I could also give directions on how to cook a gratin, how to navigate by the stars, or even,” she paused fixing him with a knowing stare, “how to reach your deepest darkest dream.” Myungjun stared at her. She seemed like an absolute fruit cake, but something in her eyes was making him unable to just try and leave.

“…what do you mean my dreams? How could you know that?”

“I know many things. Like the fact that you aren’t as cheerful as you try to seem. Or that you often hold self-doubts that you refuse to let those close to you see.” He was staring at her, mouth slack. She fixed him with a look that screamed of knowledge and awareness far beyond any normal human. “Yes, I know many things. But the most important thing I know, is that you are here for a reason. My shop doesn’t simply show itself to anyone, only those it deems in need of its assistance. So, I ask again, what type of help do you need?” 

Myungjun continued to stare for what seemed like ages. His mind was reeling at everything she had said, unable to land on a single thought. Then in a quiet voice he said, “I don’t know.” 

The shopkeeper nodded, like this was the answer she was expecting. “Good, then let’s get started. I know one of these must be the right one for you.” She turned and looked at the vast wall of bottles behind her. This close, the variety was even more unbelievable than before. There were bottles of every shape and size, ranging from normal soda bottles to bizarre bottles that twisted and curled. The contents were just as varied, appearing in every shade of color, and in some cases changing colors. Some were even bubbling or glittering. He swore one high up looked like it had something swimming in it. To his relief (and slight disappointment) she pulled out two relatively normal bottles to compare. One looked like a normal orange soda, the other a vibrant purple. 

She looked at the orange one first, scrutinizing the odd 777 label. Then with a sigh she put it back, saying: “A lovely dream, but I don’t think even I could help with that one.” Then she looked closely at the purple bottle. She mumbled something, and large wisps of black swirled through it before disappearing. She frowned at this and her face took on a very conflicted air.

“What is it?” Myungjun asked. She turned and looked at him with a somewhat pained expression.

“This is your dream. It’s a very powerful and wonderful dream, but the road to get there is harsh and difficult. However, if you withstand it you will gain true happiness.” She put the bottle down in front of him. “If you drink this it will give you the worst agony before the greatest pleasure. I will not make you drink, it is after all, up to you to chase your dream, but you must be prepared for the consequences.” 

Myungjun looked at the bottle with trepidation. It sounded kind of terrible. But… “You say if I can withstand it I will get the greatest happiness?”

“Yes, at the end your most deeply desired reality will come to pass. You will be happier than you’ve ever been. But be warned, this gives you the way to reach that dream. It does not hand it to you on a silver platter. It just guarantees the answer. It is up to you to find it.”

He thought about it. He wasn’t even sure what his ‘deepest darkest dream’ even was, how could she? For all he knew she was in fact a loon and giving him poison. Or, even if all this magic mumbo jumbo was true, she might be evil and tricking him with evil magic, and there was no golden ending. Plus the whole experience sounded awful. But if it was true… who wouldn’t want to have their deepest dream answered?

“I sense your uncertainty. Think on it some more, I will not blame you. But I offer one more warning, once you drink it, there is no going back. The same goes for my store, once you leave you cannot return again.”

“So you’re saying that if I don’t take this opportunity, I’ll never have it again?”

“That is correct. There will be no penalty, you will simply go back to your life and continue on as before. But we will never cross paths again after this moment.” MJ bit his lip, deep in thought. The shopkeeper stayed silent, letting him mull it over. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there in thought, but he eventually reached his decision. He grabbed the bottle and opened it.

“Well, you only live once, right?” He titled his head back and started drinking. His dreams apparently tasted like lemon juice mixed with pop rocks. Regardless, he drained the bottle and slammed it back down on the counter. He held still for a moment, then let out the breath he had been holding. “Huh, I don’t feel any different.”

“You won’t, but you will notice the effects. Perhaps in the near future. I wish you luck with your decision. Now I’m afraid I must close my shop, so I will have to ask you to leave.”

“Oh, uh, alright. But I still have no idea where I am.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be able to find your way once you leave. Again, you have my sincerest blessings. I hope you manage to obtain your happiness.”

“Thank you.” Myungjun said as he headed toward the door. 

“Don’t thank me, you may yet come to regret it. One last piece of advice: don’t be afraid to trust those around you.” They reached the door. She looked him dead in the eye, and, with a rueful smile said, “Goodbye Kim Myungjun, it was a pleasure to meet you.” And with that, she shut the door. Myungjun turned to leave, but stopped as something occurred to him. 

“How did you know my na-” he froze. The shop was gone. Only a blank wall met his face. Whipping around, he realized that he was back on his normal street that lead to the studio. “…no way…” he breathed, dumbfounded. After a moment, he shook his head, and started to walk home again. The others would be waiting. Man did he have a story for them!

As he neared the studio, he noticed Jinwoo waiting outside, looking relieved. He hurried forward across the street, eager to meet him. Then suddenly Jinwoo’s relief turned into horror and he let out a shout. To his left, Myungjun heard a sharp horn ring out. He looked to see bright lights, and then nothing. Myungjun didn’t feel the impact, didn’t see the anguished expression Jinwoo wore as he started running towards him, didn’t know the mess the snacks had left around him, framing him like an art piece. Myungjun no longer knew anything, except the fleeting thought that he broke his promise to Jinwoo.

 

.  
.  
.

Myungjun woke up.


	2. Yesterday or Today?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myungjun realizes he might well regret his decision to take up the shopkeeper's offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kind comments! They made me so happy! It inspired me to write even faster. :) This chapter was actually much longer, but I decided it was getting too long and this felt like a good spot to break it. I should have the next chapter up tomorrow! Summer break from college has left me much free time to write. ^_^ It starts getting a bit sadder in this chapter. (Also I added OC to the character tabs, I realized she is technically an important character.)

Myungjun woke up slowly, ceiling coming into focus as the sound of Dongmin's voice filtered through the door, calling them to breakfast. Then his eyes sprung open, and he shot up in bed as memories flooded his head. The snacks, the mysterious store, the purple bottle, Jinwoo’s face, the ca- oh. Oh. He… he died? Myungjun looked down at his hands, flexing them. He didn’t feel very dead? Actually, come to think of it why was he in bed? Was yesterday just a dream? But it felt so real! And aren’t dreams supposed to be fuzzy and disjointed? He continued to sit on his bed, rattling his brain to figure out what was going on, when Dongmin opened the door and walked in frowning. 

“Hyungs, I know you enjoy sleep but you really need to get up! We have a busy day in the dance studio learning the new choreography so you need to eat!” 

“What? We learned the new choreo yesterday though!” Myungjun exclaimed, startled. Dongmin looked at him like he had grown a second head. 

“What are you talking about MJ? We worked on vocals yesterday. Are you feeling alright?” Myungjun looked at him with confusion. Then something occurred to him.

“Hey Eunwoo, what’s today?”

“Tuesday, why?” Myunjun continued to stare at him. Yesterday was Tuesday, but so is today? Did he really dream everything? He shook his head. All this thinking was making his brain hurt. He’ll deal with it after breakfast. 

“Nevermind, I had a weird dream. It’s put me out of sorts.”

“Oh, do you want to talk about it?”

“Nah, maybe later. I’m starving!” He got out of bed and sat on Jinwoo, who had yet to get out of his own bed. He was clearly awake though, as Myungjun quickly found himself getting shoved off as Jinwoo sat up. 

“You just can’t get me up like a normal person can you?” 

“Nope!” Myungjun grinned at him. The purple bottle of dreams fading from his thoughts.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Myungjun was starting to think it wasn’t a dream. They had only been in the dance studio several hours, and he was starting to get really freaked out. Everything was playing out exactly the same as his dream, even the choreo was the same. He could tell he was freaking out everyone else too, as he picked up the choreography on the first run. Which, he was by no means a bad dancer, but it normally took him much longer to remember everything. Was this literally the same day? Did he go back in time? What was going on? He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize everyone around him had stopped moving. Then the music faded out and he noticed everyone staring at him open mouthed. “…What? Why are you all looking like that?”

“You… just did the entire choreography.” Minhyuk said quietly, awe in his voice.

“I haven’t even taught all of it yet, how do you know it already?” The dance instructor breathed out.

“But you did teach us! D-didn’t you?” Myungjun stuttered out. Everyone else shook their heads. 

“MJ… are you okay?” Jinwoo asked, a worried look spreading on his face.

“I- I… I need to go and take a breather. I’m sorry.” He gave a rushed low bow and all but sprinted from the room. Jinwoo was the only one who made any move to try and stop him. Dongmin stopped him though, shaking his head.

“Let him go. He won’t go far and I think he needs the space.”

“But did you guys see that!? How’d he know the choreography already?” Sanha exclaimed. Dongmin’s frown deepened.

“I don’t know. He was rather strange this morning when I woke him up though. He took way longer than normal, and he was very confused about the date. Actually, come to think of it he said we learned the choreo yesterday.”

“Really? Was that the dream he was mentioning when I woke up?” Jinwoo broke in. Dongmin nodded. 

“He didn’t go into detail, he just brushed it off and said he’d talk about it later.” A tense quiet ensued. Then it was broken by a comically large gasp. 

“Guys! I know what it is!” Sanha all but shouted.

“What?”

“MJ-hyung was abducted by aliens and with their super advanced technology they took him back in time as an experiment on our species!” There was a moment of silence following this proclamation, then Minhyuk reached out and smacked Sanha on the back of the head.

“That’s not it you idiot.”

“Ow! You didn’t have to hit me…” Sanha grumbled.

“I’d sooner believe he’s psychic and dreamed the future.”

“You know, that’s not a bad theory.” Bin said, stroking a non-existent beard. Minhyuk scrunched his nose.

“You’re kidding right?”

“No, listen…” 

As the three youngest continued to debate the likelihood of Myungjun having psychic powers, Jinwoo was standing deep in thought with a troubled face. Dongmin placed a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?” Jinwoo looked up.

“Yeah, just this nagging feeling that I’m forgetting something. Do you think MJ will be alright?”

“I’m sure he will be fine.” Dongmin said with a comforting smile.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Myungjun was not fine. He was very not fine. What the hell was going on? Why did today feel like one massive hidden camera? If this was in fact the same day, then did he really go to a strange dream store? Did he really get hit by a car? Did he really die? His head was spinning. He needed answers. The lady! She knew this would happen. She could explain it to him! He sprinted off in the direction of the convenience store. It had been around there right?

He weaved through people, barely sparing an ‘excuse me’ as he ran. Was it around here? No, it must have been further on. He kept running, further and further, until he was out of breath and had to stop. He went and plopped on a nearby box at the beginning of an alley. 

He knew he wouldn’t actually find her, she had made it quite clear that she never appeared twice. But… he had to do something. Maybe… maybe he should look at it from a different light. If yesterday (today? He was so confused) did in fact happen, then that means he should have been dead. Being not dead was a good thing. Maybe he was saved and given a second chance at life! But the shopkeeper’s words floated back to him… ‘the worst agony before the greatest pleasure’. He didn’t know what to think. 

With a sigh, he stood up. First things first, he decided, was to get home and figure out how to explain his earlier outburst to everyone. Then he would focus on deciphering what was going on. He looked at his phone, and his eyebrows shot up. Wow when had it gotten so late? And wow that was a lot of messages and missed calls. A few from the manager and Dongmin, but mostly from Jinwoo. He hit redial and put the phone to his ear. His call was picked up within the first 2 rings.

“Oh thank God, MJ are you alright? Where are you? Why weren’t you answering?” The relief and panic was nearly palpable from the phone. Myungjun felt a pang of guilt. 

“I’m sorry JinJin, my phone was on silent and I was struggling with… clearing my head. I’m down the street from the convenience store.” He stopped and looked around. “Err… really down the street from the convenience store. I wasn’t paying too much attention as I ran.”

“That’s fine, just hurry home okay? We’re all really worried. Eunwoo looks ready to have a panic attack.”

“Yeah I’ll be home as soon as I-” His words were suddenly cut off as a hand covered his mouth and he was dragged back into the alley, phone dropping in the process. He felt his back slam into a wall and force the air from his lungs. When the stars faded he found himself facing down the barrel of a gun. Every inch of him froze in fear. 

“Give me everything you have or I’ll shoot.” Myungjun’s mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. “Now!”

“I’m sorry I don’t have anything!” Myungjun cried, finding his voice. His eyes were stinging from unshed tears.

“Pity.”

A shot rang out, echoing in the dark.

 

.  
.  
.  
Myungjun woke up, and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart broke a bit writing this. The next part is already killing me :( But I hope you enjoyed reading this! I appreciate you taking the time! Please leave any comments or critiques, and I will see all you lovely people next chapter!


	3. Never Ending Cycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The constant loops have turned Myungjun desperate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back with a speedy update! My muse will not let me stop writing, so you get this chapter earlier than even I expected! I had to take so many breaks writing this chapter to go watch a bunch of cheery, goofy MJ videos to remind myself that he is perfectly okay and happy. I realized writing this chapter that I probably rated this story too low, so it is now labeled mature. ALSO! It gets extremely dark this chapter. 
> 
> WARNINGS FOR DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE! If that bothers you please be wary! 
> 
> But, as the saying goes, it's always darkest before the dawn! After this things will get less heartbreaking. Enjoy!

Myungjun woke up slowly, ceiling coming into focus as the sound of Dongmin's voice filtered through the door, calling them to breakfast. Instead of getting up, he curled himself under the covers. What was the point of even getting up? It would just end in pain and start all over. He had lost track of how many times he had lived through this hell of a Tuesday. Was it 20 times? 30? He had no idea anymore. Every time he woke up in his bed to the sound of Dongmin’s voice and ended the day with his death. He had tried so many different paths and they had all had the same result. What difference did it make? It clearly wasn’t stopping anytime soon. 

Damn that shopkeeper and her tempting whispers of happiness and dreams. It was all lies. He regretted ever finding that shop. He regretted thinking he could ever handle what was to come from his decision. He bitterly thought back to the words he uttered before destroying his life. ‘You only live once’… ha. The irony couldn’t be any crueler. He wasn’t sure he was even truly alive anymore. He had died so many times, each one different. At least the universe was creative in its sadism. 

There were some really stupid deaths: tripping, falling down the stairs and cracking his head open; electrocuting himself while plugging his phone in because of a faulty socket; that time with the rubber duck… But the worst death had to be suffocating. Most of his deaths were quick and he had barely even realized before he woke up in bed. But suffocating was slow, and painful, and allowed you to slowly feel your life slipping away as you descended into darkness. And as the day continued to loop the feeling of always being suffocated continued to grow and slowly overpower him. He would give anything to back to the way things were before. Who needed ultimate happiness? He just wanted to be normal again. 

“MJ… are you alright?” Jinwoo’s voice quietly broke into his thoughts. Oh Jinwoo, always so kind and caring. There had yet to be a loop where Jinwoo failed to ask him that. It was such a struggle to not break down and let him in, to wail and cry and tell him everything. But it would make no difference. The day would still loop, and then Jinwoo and everyone else would forget everything that had happened. In a sense they were as trapped as he was, but at least they didn’t have the pain of remembering. So he continued to lie. Say everything was fine, and put up a façade. Even if he was denied happiness he didn’t need to make the others miserable too.

“Yeah, just a really bad dream.”

“…Do you want to talk about it?”

“…Not right now. Maybe later.” There was a moment of quiet, and then Jinwoo pulled Myungjun into a sitting position and hugged him. Myungjun stiffened in surprised, then relaxed and returned the hug, burying his face into Jinwoo’s shoulder. No more words were said, but as Jinwoo gently rubbed his back Myungjun let a few tears of gratitude fall. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rehearsals were a miserable time. The choreography at this point was so ingrained into him that he had to work hard at NOT doing it correctly. He’d slipped a few times like that first loop and it always ended with dealing with questions he didn’t feel like answering and awkwardness with the other members. However, lately he was struggling to care at all. And the others noticed.

“Hey, MJ-hyung… are you alright? You seem really….” Dongmin started.

“Apathetic.” Bin finished. Dongmin frowned.

“I was going to say under the weather.” 

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.” Myungjun mumbled.

“That’s not what we were getting at. We are just worried. Are you sure there’s nothing you want to talk about?”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

“You clearly aren’t though.” Minhyuk said.

“We just want to help. I know it might be hard but I find that talking about it can really help you feel better! There was this one time I-” Sanha began.

“I SAID IT’S NOTHING!” Myungjun roared, temper flaring. Sanha fell silent and stared at him, looking ready to cry. Trying to reign in his sudden burst of anger, he continued “I don’t want to talk about it alright?”

“…what the hell is wrong with you!?” Minhyuk asked with a growl, putting a hand on Sanha’s shoulder.

“Excuse me?” Myungjun’s temper flared back another notch.

“I don’t know why you decided to suddenly be a mopey asshole today, but there is no need to take it out on Sanha! He was just trying to help!”

“Oi, Rocky…” Jinwoo started sternly. 

“No! It was uncalled for! Yesterday you were perfectly fine! What crawled up your ass in the middle of the night?” 

“Yesterday?” Myungjun let out a mirthless bark of laughter. “I don’t even remember what that word means! It’s always today. It will only ever BE today. Yesterday is a distant memory and tomorrow will never fucking come! I’m stuck in this cruel moronic spiral with no way out, not even death!”

“Wha-” Minhyuk sputtered, but was cut off as Myungjun continued.

“And you know the greatest part?” He spat out bitterly, “I brought this on myself! Because I was a fucking naïve idiot who bought into the fancy words of a witch and overestimated myself! There’s no such things as happy endings or dreams coming true.” He turned on Minhyuk. “You say you want to help? Then leave me alone! Or better yet,” his voice started cracking, “fucking remember! Let me know I’m not crazy! That this isn’t all in my fucking head!” 

The room was silent except for Myungjun’s heavy breathing. Then he felt something drip off his face, and he realized he was crying. And then it was too much. He had to get away from here, from the horrified confusion of the others, the broken worry in Jinwoo’s eyes, himself. He needed to escape. So he ran. Ran out of the practice studio, out of the building, and toward the dorms.

But he couldn’t escape. That was his problem wasn’t it? Nothing would ever let him escape. He was stuck in his own personal hell forever. At this point he would take staying dead over living like this for the rest of time. But there was no way to make that happen… or was there? His feet faltered a bit as a thought occurred to him. It probably wouldn’t work, but if it did… then maybe he could be finally free. With renewed energy he sprinted the rest of the way to the dorms. He never noticed someone had decided to follow him.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As he reached the dorm Myungjun realized he forgot his key. It was back with his phone and the rest of his stuff at the studio. Looking around, he found a rock on the street and threw it at the window, breaking it. Luckily, no one was around. Breaking more of the glass he managed to reach in and open the window all the way, proceeding to climb through. He made his way to the kitchen. 

As he reached it, he slowed. Part of him was terrified but he had to try. It was the only thing he hadn’t tried. He needed to escape. So, he pulled open a drawer and pulled out one of the larger knifes. He held it up in the dim light from the sunset outside. There was a disturbing beauty to the way it shone. He flipped it in his hand and raised it. Then a cry interrupted him.

“MJ! Wha-what are you doing?” It was Jinwoo, gasping for air and looking like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He looked at the knife, and then at Myungjun. Horror dawned on his face as he made the connection. “No! MJ, please that’s not the answer! I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were struggling so much, it’s my fault. Just, please. Put the knife down. Don’t do this.” His voice sounded strangled. 

He took a careful step forward but stopped when Myungjun backed up. The knife lowered slightly. Hope lit Jinwoo’s eyes. “That’s right, just put it down.” Myungjun stared at him carefully, then let out a sad smile.

“Jinwoo, I have to thank you. Even though the universe hates me, you never stopped caring. Even though you never remembered, even though you had no idea what was going on, you were always there for me to give me support and comfort. I will never be able to express how much that meant to me. If this works, I just want you to know that it’s not your fault.” The horror returned to Jinwoo’s face.

“No, MJ, Don’t-!”

“I’m sorry Jinwoo. Thank you.” And the knife plunged downward. The last thing he heard was the broken cry of Jinwoo.

“MYUNGJUN!!!”

 

.  
.  
.  
Jinwoo woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has looked at this story and put up with the depressing themes! Next story I'm writing a comedy or something. I need a break from sad. Feel free to leave any thoughts, and I will see all you lovely people in the next chapter! It'll be somewhat different. ;)


	4. Jinwoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinwoo couldn't shake the feeling that he was forgetting something really, really important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I lied. This chapter isn't particularly happier, but that is because it is Jinwoo's POV on things! This was supposed to be the first half of the chapter, but it decided to become its own thing. But, I promised happier next time, and I'm almost done with the next part, so I will have the actual happier part up in a few hours! My present to you! Then brace yourself for the last chapter, because that will be nothing but fluff and rainbows to make up for everything I've put these poor boys through! Same warnings apply as earlier. Enjoy!

Jinwoo was slow to wake up. Granted, he tended to be rather slow in most things he did, but waking up was especially hard. As such, he was very prone to depend on Dongmin or his energetic roommate to wake him up. Today was no different. He actually vaguely registered Dongmin telling them to wake up, but his mind and body weren’t ready to leave the warm cocoon of blankets and pillows. It wasn’t until Myungjun decided to stab him repeatedly with a finger while calling his name that he mustered the energy to get up and swat at him. He played annoyed, but seeing the laughter this daily interaction pulled from Myungjun somehow made it alright.  
.  
.  
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Rehearsal was long and hard, but successful. As such, he deemed as leader that it was fine to break diet and curfew somewhat. After some arguing, it was decided that Myungjun would be the sacrifice to go and get some snacks. With a twinge of worry, Jinwoo sent Myungjun off with a promise to be careful. A while passed, and that twinge of worry grew into borderline panic. It should not have taken this long. Where was he? He tried calling, but it immediately went to voice mail. 

Unable to stay still and do nothing, Jinwoo headed outside to wait and see if he was coming. Luckily, not long after he made it outside he spotted Myungjun making his way on the other side of the street. Relief filled him and he waved, receiving a smile and spastic wave in return. Myungjun hurried to cross the street, not paying attention to his surroundings. Jinwoo noticed the headlights and gave a cry of alarm, horror filling his heart as a car raced directly toward Myungjun. He started to move, but he was too slow. There was no way to reach him in time. Myungjun’s body went flying in a sickening arc, landing further down the street. The snacks scattered around his twisted form were almost artful. Jinwoo wept.  
.  
.  
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Jinwoo woke up to the sound of Dongmin and Myungjun talking. Dongmin sounded worried and Myungjun confused.

“Nevermind, I had a weird dream. It’s put me out of sorts.”

“Oh, do you want to talk about it?”

“Nah, maybe later. I’m starving!” Jinwoo heard Dongmin leave, and suddenly there was a heavy butt sitting on his chest. Shoving Myungjun off, he let out a joking groan.

“You just can’t get me up like a normal person can you?”

“Nope!” Myungjun laughed, and Jinwoo couldn’t help but feel warm.  
.  
.  
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Jinwoo was beyond confused, and it was clear the rest of the room shared his sentiment. Myungjun somehow knew the entirety of choreography that had yet to be taught. To his credit, Myungjun looked as confused as the rest of them. Possibly more so. 

“MJ… are you okay?”

“I- I… I need to go and take a breather. I’m sorry.” He gave a rushed low bow and all but sprinted from the room. Jinwoo moved to go after him, worried, but felt a hand stop him. It was Dongmin, who shook his head.

“Let him go. He won’t go far and I think he needs the space.” Jinwoo frowned, but stayed put. He had this sinking feeling that he shouldn’t have let Myungjun go, that something bad was going to happen.

“But did you guys see that!? How’d he know the choreography already?” Sanha exclaimed. Dongmin’s frown deepened.

“I don’t know. He was rather strange this morning when I woke him up though. He took way longer than normal, and he was very confused about the date. Actually, come to think of it he said we learned the choreo yesterday.” 

“Really? Was that the dream he was mentioning when I woke up?” Jinwoo broke in. Dongmin nodded. As the rest continued to debate the reasoning behind Myungjun’s weirdness, Jinwoo fell into his thoughts. His foreboding feeling was growing, and he was getting this nagging feeling that he was forgetting something really important. Something involving Myungjun… 

“Are you alright?” Dongmin placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, just this nagging feeling that I’m forgetting something. Do you think MJ will be alright?”

“I’m sure he will be fine.” Dongmin said with a comforting smile. Jinwoo wished he could believe him.  
.  
.  
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Myungjun had been gone far too long. And no matter how many times Jinwoo called he didn’t pick up the phone. It all felt strangely familiar, and dread had gripped his entire being. Something was very, very wrong. He could feel it. Even Dongmin looked ready to send a search party. Then, his phone started ringing. It was Myungjun! He’s pretty sure he’s never answered a phone so fast in his entire life. “Oh thank God, MJ are you alright? Where are you? Why weren’t you answering?” He knew he was panicking, but he was so worried and so relieved when Myungjun’s guilt laced voice came through the speaker.

“I’m sorry JinJin, my phone was on silent and I was struggling with… clearing my head. I’m down the street from the convenience store.” There was a pause. “Err… really down the street from the convenience store. I wasn’t paying too much attention as I ran.”

“That’s fine, just hurry home okay? We’re all really worried. Eunwoo looks ready to have a panic attack.” He was as well, but he wasn’t letting Myungjun know that. 

“Yeah I’ll be home as soon as I-” suddenly Myungjun’s voice cut out, and there was a clatter, Which Jinwoo took to be the phone hitting the ground. There was a low voice, Jinwoo wasn’t able to make out what he said. Then he heard Myungjun speak. He sounded scared. 

“MJ! MJ, answer! What’s going on? MJ!” Then there was a loud bang, and Jinwoo’s stomach dropped as he recognized the sound of a gunshot. “Myungjun!!”  
.  
.  
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Jinwoo woke up to the sound of crying. He sat up in bed, his leader instincts overpowering his normal laziness, and he looked over at his roommate, who was curled into a ball and crying. Worried and feeling his heart break at the sight of the normally cheery Myungjun upset, Jinwoo quickly climbed out of bed and moved over to Myungjun’s. “MJ, what’s wrong?” he asked quietly. Instead of responding, Myungjun took one look at him and latched onto him so hard that Jinwoo felt some air leave his system. He continued to cry, and Jinwoo sat rubbing calming circles into his back. When the sobs quieted into sniffles, He tried again. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“…I don’t want to die.” Startled, Jinwoo detached slightly to look down at Myungjun. 

“What do you mean? Is everything alright MJ?”

“Dying hurts. It hurts so much. I’m scared. What if I messed up? What if it doesn’t end? Am I stuck like this?” He looked up at Jinwoo and gave the saddest eyes Jinwoo had ever seen in his life. “I’m so scared Jinwoo…” The use of his real name made his heart clench all the tighter and he hugged Myungjun as hard as he could without crushing him. 

“I’ll protect you. No matter what it is, I will always protect you.” He rasped out, feeling tears of his own forming and choking him. Myungjun just burst into more tears and clung impossibly closer.  
.  
.  
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Jinwoo was worried. He wasn’t woken in the normal fashion today by Myungjun, and he could tell something was off. He seemed to be laughing and telling jokes like normal, but it seemed so hollow. Like it was just an act. Even in rehearsal, He seemed to be working hard and picking up the choreography faster than normal, but at the same time it was like he wasn’t trying at all. It was like Myungjun was broken somehow. 

And he hated it. He wanted Myungjun to always be smiling and laughing in that contagious way of his. He was called the happy virus for a reason! Seeing him laugh now… just felt wrong. Rather than make him smile and feel warm in his stomach, it made him want to hurl. Every inch of his body was screaming that something was wrong, but he couldn’t figure out what. Myungjun was fine yesterday, and as far as he knew nothing happened over night. It was so sudden.

Yet… that statement felt wrong somehow. Logically it seemed like a weird switch had been flipped, that Myungjun’s change was out of the blue. But his heart felt like this had been building for a while. That there had been a downward spiral somewhere that he couldn’t remember. And that was another thing that bothered him. All day he had felt as if he was forgetting something massive, and he was plagued by the feeling of déjà vu. What was he missing? 

Suddenly there was a crash, and Jinwoo looked over to see Myungjun sitting on the floor rubbing his head. Apparently he had tripped and crashed into the wall. Jinwoo moved to go check on him, when he noticed a movement from above. Myungjun’s crash had loosened the precarious shelf they kept forgetting to fix. All the stuff on it started crashing down. Some CDs, a doll fans had sent them, and finally a speaker. “Look out!” Jinwoo cried out. Myungjun looked up and instead of trying to dodge, his faced morphed into one of disbelief and a touch of resignation. Then all Jinwoo could see was red.

.  
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Jinwoo was beyond worried. Myungjun had turned into a shadow of his former self, and was putting no effort into anything. He hadn’t attempted to wake him at all this morning. Jinwoo had found him staring holes into the wall from under his blankets, and had felt tears on his shoulder when he pulled Myungjun in for a hug. Myungjun had only picked at his breakfast and lunch, and though he was somehow learning the steps anyway he wasn’t paying any attention to dance rehearsal. There was no energy to anything he did. It was as if he had forgotten how to care.

Jinwoo wasn’t the only one who noticed the lackluster behavior. 

“Hey, MJ-hyung… are you alright? You seem really….” Dongmin started.

“Apathetic.” Bin finished. Dongmin frowned.

“I was going to say under the weather.” 

“It’s nothing, I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.” Myungjun mumbled. That made Jinwoo frown. Why did he assume they were asking because they thought he wasn’t pulling his weight? The others continued to pry until Myungjun snapped and blew up at Sanha. Which of course pissed Minhyuk off.

“…what the hell is wrong with you!?” Minhyuk asked with a growl, putting a hand on Sanha’s shoulder.

“Excuse me?” Myungjun asked, defensive.

“I don’t know why you decided to suddenly be a mopey asshole today, but there is no need to take it out on Sanha! He was just trying to help!” Now that wasn’t very fair. Something was clearly very wrong with Myungjun, blowing up in retaliation wasn’t going to help.

“Oi, Rocky…” Jinwoo started sternly. 

“No! It was uncalled for! Yesterday you were perfectly fine! What crawled up your ass in the middle of the night?” Jinwoo silently bristled. But it wasn’t sudden! …Or was it? Why did it feel like this had been a long time coming? But then Myungjun started talking, and Jinwoo grew more and more horrified as he listened to the words spilling out of Myungjun’s mouth. Was… was this how Myungjun felt? Why did he make it sound like death was a preferable option?

Myungjun turned on Minhyuk. “You say you want to help? Then leave me alone! Or better yet,” his voice started cracking, “fucking remember! Let me know I’m not crazy! That this isn’t all in my fucking head!” Jinwoo felt something click, but then unlatch a moment later. What was wrong with him?! He felt so close to understanding something, something so very terribly important, and his brain was being too slow to get there! But he didn’t have the time to figure it out, Myungjun was now crying, and then sprinting out of the room. Jinwoo followed. No one made a move to stop him this time (wait, this time?) and he ran at full speed after Myungjun.

Unfortunately, Myungjun was much faster than him, and he lost him at some point. However, Jinwoo was pretty sure he was heading toward the dorms. As he struggled through his labored breathing and continued to run toward the dorms, Jinwoo tried to make sense of everything. 

His mind was an absolute mess. What had happened to Myungjun? There was no way this happened over night, but logically it was impossible for anything else to have happened. Maybe… maybe he should stop thinking logically. Clearly that was getting him nowhere. What had Myungjun said? That tomorrow never comes? Maybe Sanha was actually right and Myungjun somehow ended up back in time. He stumbled to a stop. 

Wait, when had Sanha said anything about time travel? That made no sense. Sanha hadn’t said anything like that today, and yet Jinwoo swore that Sanha had said something ridiculous about aliens and time travel. But… that never happened. His head started to hurt. What the hell was going on? His head was clouding. Myungjun… right, he was chasing after Myungjun. He had to get to him before something bad happened (why was he so sure something bad would happen?). Jinwoo began running again with renewed vigor. 

He reached the dorm, and found one of the windows broken and open. Realizing it was probably Myungjun, Jinwoo hurried to unlock the door, actually having remembered his key. He hurried into the house and into the kitchen, where he thought he heard some noise. He froze as he reached it, taking in the sight in front of him. 

“MJ! Wha-what are you doing?” Jinwoo looked between the knife resting the wrong way in Myungjun’s hands and the desperate, vacant look in his eyes. Then it clicked. Horror flooded his entire being as he realized exactly what Myungjun was planning on doing with that knife. “No! MJ, please that’s not the answer! I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were struggling so much, it’s my fault. Just, please. Put the knife down. Don’t do this.” He desperately pleaded.

He took a step forward, slowly like he was approaching a scared animal, but stopped when Myungjun took a step back. However, the knife lowered a bit, and hope lit in Jinwoo’s heart. “That’s right, just put it down.” Myungjun’s face was unreadable. Then he smiled. Jinwoo didn’t like that smile. He liked what Myungjun said next even less.

“Jinwoo, I have to thank you. Even though the universe hates me, you never stopped caring. Even though you never remembered, even though you had no idea what was going on, you were always there for me to give me support and comfort. I will never be able to express how much that meant to me. If this works, I just want you to know that it’s not your fault.” The horror returned, and he felt like the world was swallowing him.

“No, MJ, Don’t-!”

“I’m sorry Jinwoo. Thank you.” And the knife plunged downward. Myungjun fell to the ground, and didn’t move.

“MYUNGJUN!!!” Jinwoo raced forward and clutched him in his arms. No. Nononono this couldn’t be happening, not again! ...Again? What? That was… what? Suddenly, the slight pounding that had been building in his head since earlier burst, and he screamed in pain. His head felt like it was splitting open. Countless images flooded his head. He couldn’t sort it, he couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t….

 

.  
.  
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Jinwoo blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jinwoo's been through a lot too. Why can't I just let them be? Anyway, thank you so much for reading, feel free to leave any comments below! It makes me happy that people are actually reading this. I know depressing isn't everyone's cup of tea. I will see all you lovely people very soon!


	5. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myungjun decides maybe life isn't so bad, so long as he has Jinwoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry this is a little later than I thought, I fell asleep last night. ^.^' But here is the fifth chapter as promised! It's not quite flowers and rainbows, but it's definitely on the path away from depressing! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Also this chapter is exactly 2500 words and that made me so happy.)

Jinwoo woke up faster than he ever had before. He shot upright in bed, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. Tears were soaking his cheeks and clouding his vision, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care. Impossible memories were flooding his head. Each one passing his mind’s eye in a sick parade and he started to shake as he made sense of what he was seeing, putting them in order. 

It was like watching the worst movie ever. Jinwoo watched as Myungjun died over and over, slowly becoming more and more jaded and depressed. More apathetic towards life. Sometimes, Myungjun left and simply didn’t come back before the memory blacked, but many times, more often than not, he experienced Myungjun dying. And he was never able to do anything. So many of those deaths he could have prevented if he was just a little faster, a little better. He promised he would protect Myungjun no matter what, and he failed him. He failed him in the worst possible way. Myungjun reached a point where he wanted to take his own life. 

Jinwoo stiffened. Myungjun. Where was he? What if he didn’t come back this time? He had to find Myungjun. He whipped around to Myungjun’s side of the room, and his eyes widened as he saw a lump in the bed, which shifted as Myungjun sat up and gave a quiet bitter laugh. “So even that didn’t work, huh?” He didn’t seem to notice that Jinwoo was sitting up, nor did he notice when Jinwoo launched himself from his bed toward Myungjun. He did, however, notice when Jinwoo tackled him. 

“Oof! Wha- JinJin? What the hell are you doing awake? You’re never awake at the start.” Confusion was radiating off Myungjun, and he didn’t even realize that his words would have made very little sense in a normal situation. Jinwoo could care less. 

“You’re alive… oh thank God I thought maybe this time you really wouldn’t come back.” Jinwoo sobbed. Myungjun froze. It was like he had suddenly turned to stone.

“…what?” he whispered.

“I’m so sorry Myungjun. I’m so, so sorry. I never realized and I made you go through all that pain. I was such an idiot who just stood by as you died over and over and I did nothing except forget everything and leave you by yourself-”

“Wait. Wait Jinwoo stop. You can’t do this to me.” Myungjun was shaking. “You can’t go giving me hope and talking like you actually remember. You never remember. This has to be a dream, because the universe would never actually let me have you.” Jinwoo pulled back and looked Myungjun in the eyes. He was crying. 

“I do remember. I-I didn’t before now, though I always had this weird feeling of dread and déjà vu. But I remember now. I’m so sorry Myungjun.” Myungjun stared at him, tears streaming down his face. Then he said in a small, childlike voice,

“…Prove it.”

“…Your first death was a car. I-I was watching. Next one you ran out and never came back. It sounded like you got shot from the phone. It felt as awful as the first time. It never stopped feeling awful. In fact, even when I had no idea what happened to you it always felt awful. The worst though, was this last time when you…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. “That’s when I remembered. It hurt like hell too. Physically and emotionally.” A tense silence followed, like a string pulled taut. Then the string snapped and it was Jinwoo’s turn to be tackled by a sobbing Myungjun. 

“Oh my God, you remember. You actually remember.” Jinwoo hugged him tight.

“I’m sorry, I was never able to do anything.” Myungjun hit his back.

“Don’t you dare say that! You helped more than I could ever express. I would have given up long ago if it weren’t for you.”

“But you did give up! And I couldn’t stop you. I couldn’t protect you.”

“That wasn’t your fault!”

Jinwoo pulled away and made Myungjun look him in the eye. “Promise me you will never do that again. I-I could never handle going through that again.” Myungjun remained quiet. “Myungjun, promise me!” Myungjun searched his face. 

“Only if you promise to never forget.” He whispered. Jinwoo nodded, then pulled him back in close.

“Deal.” 

They continued to hug until Dongmin came in to tell them to get their asses out of bed, only to immediately panic and fret at finding them crying messes. Overall it was a rather nice start to the day.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Myungjun was happier than he could remember being in a long time. Jinwoo remembered! He was no longer alone in his struggle. Which, he totally hadn’t found a way out of, but hope had returned. If Jinwoo remembered, then maybe that meant it was weakening! Maybe he would manage to make it through the day! Even if he didn’t, he had Jinwoo to cry on and talk to. 

Speaking of, Jinwoo was as tense as a spring, and was sticking to his side like glue whenever he wasn’t physically required to not be. It was cute. He was cute. Myungjun couldn’t help the bubbly smile that spread on his lips. Jinwoo saw it and relaxed a bit, though he was still far too close to be considered normal. Myungjun didn’t mind. 

The others, on the other hand, minded a little. If only because it was confusing and slightly hindered rehearsals when Jinwoo was clearly focused on other things. Though they were on break for a bit.

“Dude, relax a little. You’re acting like MJ is about to disappear or something if you stop being within a 3 foot radius.” Minhyuk spoke up. Jinwoo opened his mouth to retort, but closed it with a frown. 

Myungjun knew where he was coming from, but it’s not like Jinwoo could come out and say that he had the perfectly valid fear of Myungjun dying at any minute. Instead he reached out a comforting hand to Jinwoo’s shoulder and gave a squeeze. Jinwoo looked at him and Myungjun gave him an understanding smile. Jinwoo gave a small smile in return. Sanha looked between them in confusion. 

“What’s up with you two? You’re acting funny.”

“Leave them alone, they had a rough morning.” Dongmin scolded. His words however had the opposite effect. 

“What? Why? What happened?”

“They… you know I’m not sure. But it’s not our place to pry.”

“Are you guys alright?” Bin asked, concern in his voice.

“Yup! Doing much better actually.” Myungjun replied with a smile. Jinwoo gave a tense nod. Myungjun could tell that Jinwoo was still really upset, but honestly he was so happy he felt like skipping. Entirely inappropriate in this situation, especially seeing as his circumstances still sucked, but Jinwoo just made everything better. 

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Minhyuk broke in softly. Jinwoo nodded.

“We’re sure. Thank you though.” Minhyuk searched his face, then nodded. 

“Just let us know if you ever want to talk.” Jinwoo smiled softly. 

“..Yeah.”

“Anyway… you two are really on top of the choreo today! You’re picking it up even faster than Rocky, and that’s saying something!” Bin chuckled. Jinwoo let out a nervous laugh. One of the side effects of remembering everything was that now he was in the same boat as MJ and already knew all of the choreography. 

“Yeah Jinwoo, not so slow today are we?” Myungjun poked fun at Jinwoo, figuratively and literally, earning a light smack for his efforts. 

“Shut up Myungjun.” Jinwoo quipped, though not without warmth. They smiled warmly at each other, before they both turned, feeling the stares of the other members. “What?”

“…That was disgustingly cute. You sure there’s nothing else you want to tell us?” Minhyuk raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“What do you mean?”

“You just called each other without any honorifics, or nicknames.” Bin supplied, also raising an eyebrow. 

“And then proceeded to stare at each other.” Minhyuk deadpanned.

“Well, I do suppose it would explain this morning and how you two have been acting all day.” Dongmin said thoughtfully. It took a second, and then realization dawned on what they meant. Myungjun felt his face warm. He looked at Jinwoo, who had a light blush as he sputtered. That… was new. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He managed to scoff. It wasn’t very believable in Myungjun’s opinion. Sanha seemed to agree. 

“Then why are you blushing?” Myungjun swore that kid was way smarter then he showed, he just liked to hide it behind large quantities of aegyo. 

Jinwoo’s mouth was mimicking a fish, and Myungjun thought it was adorable. Oh. OH. Well… alright then. To save Jinwoo, Myungjun grabbed his arm and started dragging him out of the room. “We’re going to go grab some snacks, we’ll be back in a little bit!” He called behind him.

“Don’t stop to make out!” Minhyuk called after them, cackling as he produced more blushing and sputtering from Jinwoo.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jinwoo was visibly tense as they made their way through the aisles of the convenience store. “Myungjun, I really don’t think this is a good idea. This convenience store is like a magnet for trouble. What if something happens?”

“Something always happens, regardless of where I’m at, so I’ve stopped stressing so much about avoiding places. Not like it makes a difference.” A note of bitterness made its way into his words. For most of the day he’d managed to almost avoid thinking about the fact that he was going to die at some point. His joy at Jinwoo being there for him was a strong deterrent. But as the day went on the thoughts were becoming more prevalent.

It wasn’t his death he was fearing. He had stopped caring so much about that ages ago. No, he was worried that the universe had simply found a new way of torturing him, and was going to swipe the rug out from under him after giving him a taste of joy again. He was scared that next time Jinwoo wouldn’t remember. And that scared him more than anything had in a long time. As if sensing his darkening mood, Myungjun suddenly felt a warm hand reach down and grab his. He looked over to see a blushing Jinwoo. Jinwoo let out a cough.

“I feel better if I can touch you. And you know, if it helps you any…” Myungjun grinned and squeezed back, lacing their fingers together.

“Hey Jinwoo-” But Myungjun never got to finish his thought, as at that moment the convenience store door burst open and two men wearing ski masks and wielding firearms entered. Police sirens could be heard approaching.

“Freeze! Nobody move! You’re now all our hostages. Down on the ground!” Jinwoo and Myungjun complied, though Jinwoo looked ready to tackle one of them. Myungjun gripped his hand harder in warning.

“They have guns, you wouldn’t win. Don’t do anything stupid.” He whispered. He looked back up at the invaders. “This is new. I’m actually impressed that the universe hasn’t run out of ways to kill me.”

“You aren’t going to die!” Jinwoo whispered harshly. Unfortunately he was a bit too loud, and one of the men noticed them. 

“Hey, you two, shut up! No talking!” He noticed their interlaced hands, and his nose scrunched in disgust. “Oh, you’re some of those.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Jinwoo flared. Myungjun yanked on him.

“What are you doing!?” He hissed.

“You wanna fight punk?” The man sneered, aiming his gun. 

“NO!” Myungjun shouted. “No, he doesn’t, we’re sorry.” The man was about to retort, when his buddy called him over.

“Dude, the police are everywhere outside, what are we going to do?” 

“Tell them we will kill the hostages one by one until we get protection and a way out.”

“What if they don’t believe us?”

“Then we make them believe us.” He whipped around and aimed his gun at Myungjun, who stiffened.

“Whoah, wait what are you doing?! I didn’t sign up to be a murderer!”

“It’s too late for that! You can give up and turn yourself in, but I’m going to get out of here by any means possible. And I’m going to start by making an example.” He fired, and Myungjun screwed his eyes shut in anticipation. But the pain never came. He opened his eyes to find Jinwoo in front of him with his hands spread out. Then he dropped. A scream was ripped out of Myungjun’s throat. 

“JINWOO!” Myungjun pulled him onto his lap. Jinwoo looked up at him, his eyes glassy. Then his mouth twitched up in an almost smile.

“…dn’t fail ‘gain.” He mumbled, and then was still. The man, no, the monster snorted. 

“Sacrificed himself for his lover, how touching.” 

Myungjun felt rage fill his body, and saw red. Next thing he knew he was lunging at the bastard and attempting to cause as much physical pain as he could. He didn’t get very far before a gun fired again and the world went black.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Myungjun woke up with a start. Jinwoo- Jinwoo died. Died to protect him. He whipped around to the other side of the room, where Jinwoo was sitting up and looking mildly displeased. He turned at the sound of Myungjun scrambling out of bed and all but tackling him. He was quick to return the hug, squeezing tightly. After crying for a bit, Myungjun started hitting Jinwoo repeatedly.

“Ow! Hey, what- ow! Stop!” Jinwoo exclaimed, trying to protect himself. Myungjun kept hitting, emphasizing each word with a hit.

“Don’t. You. DARE. Ever. Do. That. AGAIN!” He stopped hitting and buried his face in Jinwoo’s chest. “I couldn’t handle you dying like that again.”

“…How do you think I’ve felt?” Myungjun looked up at Jinwoo. He looked angry. “I’ve watched you die in front of me countless times and I’ve never been able to save you! Even this time, all I ended up doing was prolonging it!” Myungjun bristled.

“And you think I would have gone on if you had died?!”

“Myungjun don’t tell me you-”

“No, but I would have!”

“You promised me-”

“You promised you wouldn’t leave me!” Jinwoo stilled. “You promised you wouldn’t forget, but what good is that if you’re dead?! Either way you are leaving me by myself again, and I can’t deal with that. I can’t live if I don’t have you there too.” He dropped his hand, anger fading and leaving him tired. Jinwoo was quiet for a minute and then pulled him into a hug.

“I’m sorry. I promise I’ll never leave you again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Myungjun pulled back and looked Jinwoo in the eyes. He debated for a second, and then leaned forward and pressed his lips against Jinwoo’s. Jinwoo’s eyes widened, and then slid shut as he returned the kiss. After a while they both fell asleep again, limbs tangled together. 

 

.  
.  
.  
Somewhere far away, glass shattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone who has gotten this far! Just one more chapter and it's finished! Even if you didn't enjoy it, I appreciate everyone who took the time to look at it. Next up is my attempt to balance all the sad, so prepare for fluff! I will see all you lovely people in the last chapter! ^.^


	6. Dreams Come True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myungjun finds his ultimate happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The last chapter of this story! I'll save all my gushy comments and final words until the end, so enjoy!
> 
> (Also Dreams Come True off the new album literally came on as I titled this. The timing was perfect X'D )

Myungjun woke up to the blurry sounds of worried voices. As he regained consciousness, the voices slowly became clear.

“…think we should take them to the hospital or something.” It sounded like Dongmin.

“There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with them though?” Minhyuk’s voice replied. The voice that Myungjun definitely now recognized as Dongmin let out a strangled noise.

“Nothing wrong? We can’t wake them up!”

“That does sound like a rather large problem.” Bin said. Wait, was everyone in their room? As if to confirm it, Sanha’s voice also made an appearance.

“Has anyone tried kissing them?”

“What? No! Why would we do that?” Minhyuk indignantly exclaimed.

“Well, I mean that’s how you wake up people in stories.”

“They aren’t under some curse.” Myungjun gave a bitter snort in his mind. Sure felt like it. 

“Guys, seriously, what should we do?” Dongmin asked.

“I was being serious! We should try to kiss them!” Sanha argued.

“Sanha if you want to kiss someone so bad, how about Minhyuk?” Bin snickered.

“What?!” cried Minhyuk. 

“Why would I kiss him? He’s not asleep!”

“What, so you would kiss him if he was asleep?” Bin questioned. He sounded far too interested.

“I would if he wasn’t waking up!” Sanha’s exclamation was followed by unintelligent noises from Minhyuk and laughter from Bin. 

“GUYS!” Dongmin yelled. “Be serious would you! Something might be really wrong with them!” The room fell quiet. Myungjun felt himself frown a bit. Aw, but it was getting so interesting. It was nice to hear something different in the morning. Wait, different?

Myungjun was suddenly very, very awake. He shot into a sitting position, eyes wide. Jinwoo followed not long after, startled awake by Myungjun’s sudden movements. Myungjun looked at the group in his room, who were frozen in shock, eyes matching Myungjun’s. Then Dongmin let out a relieved cry. 

“You’re awake!”

“I told you nothing was wrong with them.” Minhyuk snarked, though his face betrayed his relief.

“Sorry Sanha, looks like no one is getting kissed. Though Minhyuk might still be up for it.” Bin joked, all smiles.

“Hey!”

“That’s alright, I’m good.” Sanha replied nervously. “Besides, they are awake now.”

“Are you guys alright? Do you hurt or feel bad anywhere?” Dongmin fretted. Myungjun didn’t answer, continuing to stare. This was impossible. He had to be dreaming. Even if he had yet to dream once during the loops. Jinwoo, for his part, looked completely bewildered. 

“What’s going on? Why are all of you in here? And why is it such a big deal that we’re awake?” he asked. Dongmin’s face fell into a frown. 

“You’ve been out for a whole day.” It was Jinwoo’s turn to freeze. 

“…what?” he breathed. Myungjun agreed with the sentiment.

“Yesterday I came in to wake you two up for breakfast and you steadfastly refused to wake. I talked to the manager, and he said to let you have the day off if you were that tired. So we just left you. But when I came in this morning, you were still asleep, and nothing we did woke you up. We were getting ready to call an ambulance.”

Myungjun’s mind was reeling, and Jinwoo’s seemed to be doing the same. They’d slept the whole day? It was the next day? But, no, wait, what? That… that was impossible! There was no way he was free. The universe wouldn’t allow that. He had to find out. He had to know for sure. He swallowed, his throat dry and tight. He tried to open his mouth a few times before managing to squeak, “What day is it?” 

“Wednesday.” Minhyuk supplied. Myungjun stopped breathing. Then, he started to shake. The others started looking very concerned. 

“Hey, are you two alright? I mean, I know it’s a shock but…” Bin asked, no longer smiling.

Myungjun looked over at Jinwoo, who had turned to look at him. A chuckle escaped. Myungjun wasn’t sure who it came from. But then, they were suddenly both laughing hysterically and crying. Myungjun hugged Jinwoo and started sobbing into his shoulder. He was free. He was no longer trapped in that endless loop of hell. He could live. Tears still running down his face, he pulled back and smiled at Jinwoo so wide his face hurt. Jinwoo returned the smile with the same amount of force, and without a sparing a thought to their surroundings swooped forward and kissed Myungjun hard. Myungjun only remembered the others when he heard startled yells, a wolf whistle (probably Bin) and the sound of someone hitting the floor (Sanha fainted as he later learned). But at that moment he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the day passed in a weird dream-like state. It didn’t feel real. The others had given up on interrogating them about this morning, accepting for the time being that they weren’t going to offer an explanation. Though the topic was far from forgotten, if the weird looks they kept getting were any indication. They spent most of the day ‘learning’ the choreography they had slept through. They probably could have played down how well they actually knew the choreo better, but they were far too distracted for that. It earned them even more weird gazes, but after this morning it wasn’t as heavily questioned as it might have been. 

What was questioned, however, was their relationship. Though the other members didn’t bring it up in front of the staff, they were quickly hounded once they were left alone for the night. 

“Alright, be straight with us. Are you two dating?” Bin asked, staring them down. Jinwoo and Myungjun looked at each other, then laced their hands together and looked forward resolutely.

“Yes.” Jinwoo answered. He wouldn’t stop dating Myungjun regardless of the other’s opinions, but their feelings still mattered to him. There was a moment of silence as they waited for the reaction, then Bin’s face split into a grin and he fist pumped the air. 

“I CALLED IT!” Jinwoo was bewildered for the second time that day, and he decided it was getting old. Bin must have read his confusion, because he let out a laugh and explained, “I just knew you two would end up together, you smelled like a good match. Plus you were so obviously pining after each other.” Jinwoo screwed his nose in confusion. 

“Wait do you mean literally smelled-” he started, but was cut off by Dongmin.

“How long have you two been dating?”

“Only two days.” Technically. Dongmin let out a relieved sigh. 

“Oh good, so you weren’t hiding it from us.”

“That’s what you cared about? Not that we’re dating?” asked Myungjun, surprised. Dongmin waved him off.

“Well, that’s something we’ll have to discuss as well, but being honest and there for each other is far more important.” Myungjun smiled at his response.

“So now what?” Sanha asked.

“First, we need to set some ground rules.” Minhyuk said, crossing his arms. “First off, no sex in the dorms! Or at least not while anyone is home.” Jinwoo felt his face rapidly heat, and Myungjun resembled a cherry. “And always make sure the door is locked! That goes for making out too, don’t be gross in the common room!” Jinwoo buried his burning face in his free hand.

As Minhyuk continued on with his list, along with inputs from Bin and Sanha that progressively got weirder (“You need to use a secret code to warn Eunwoo, like if he raps a pattern on your door in the morning, you give different combinations of rhythms and birdcalls to tell him if it’s safe.”), Jinwoo grinned into his hand, eyes getting wet. He felt Myungjun bury his face in his shoulder, a smile of his own spreading. He had no idea what he was so worried about. He already knew he was a part of the greatest group ever. Myungjun gripped his hand harder. He doesn’t think his heart could feel any warmer.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, Myungjun laid in Jinwoo’s bed with him. Neither Myungjun nor Jinwoo felt very comfortable sleeping alone at the moment. The events of the day still had them high strung, so they were simply cuddling in the covers, enjoying the peace and quiet after the whirlwind of a day. Jinwoo was playing with his hair absentmindedly. Still, Myungjun could not bring himself to be relaxed. 

“Hey… Jinwoo?”

“Hm?” Myungjun bit his lip, hesitating before voicing his worry.

“…Do you really think that it’s over?” Jinwoo was quiet for a moment.

“Do you?” He finally asked. 

“Honestly, it seems too good to be true. I keep expecting the rug to be pulled out from under me and I’ll wake up to find that nothing has changed. That I’m still trapped and going crazy and this is all one big dream in my head. I’m scared to lose this; to be alone.” Myungjun could feel tears pricking his eyes. Jinwoo didn’t respond immediately. Instead, he pulled Myungjun tight and placed a kiss to his hair. He then spoke, rubbing circles with his thumb into Myungjun’s back.

“I promised you I would never leave you again, and that is a promise I intend to keep. I can’t promise that everything will be perfect from now on, or that things in life won’t feel like they are breaking to pieces, but I can promise that you will never have to face it alone. I’m not sure myself if it’s really over. But we have to hope and believe, or else we will be forever shackled by our fear and self-destruction. No matter what comes our way, as long as we stay strong together, we can find a way through.” 

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I love you.” Myungjun tensed. Feeling heat flood his cheeks, he buried his face in Jinwoo’s neck. 

“…How can you always make me feel so much better?”

“Magic!” Jinwoo laughed.

“No, not magic. Magic is awful and what got me into this mess in the first place. You are what saved me, so clearly you are way better than magic.” Jinwoo smiled at him, before he seemed to register what he said. 

“Wait, what magic? You know what caused this?” Myungjun nodded nervously.

“Why didn’t you ever mention it?”

“There was a lot of other things going on! And I sorta mentioned it once.”

“When?!”

“During my breakdown in the dance studio… that day.” Jinwoo frowned.

“You mean that stuff you mentioned about dreams being a lie?”

“Yeah. Well on the very first day, when I was getting back with snacks, I suddenly found myself lost. So I dipped into this weird café and ran into this even more weird lady. She looked really young but didn’t act like it. Anyway, she said some mumbo jumbo about how her store only appeared to people who needed its help and then gave me this strange purple drink with black stuff in it. She said that it would help me with my deepest darkest dream but only if I survived.”

“And you drank it?!”

“She was really convincing! And I thought I could handle it!”

“What exactly did she say?”

“Err, something along the lines of ‘after the greatest agony you will receive the greatest happiness’.”

“And you trusted this mysterious woman giving you something promising agony?”

“I was stupid alright!” Myungjun was well aware of the idiocy on his part. He didn’t need Jinwoo to remind him. Something else occurred to Jinwoo. 

“Wait, if the loops were because of the drink, what was this greatest happiness that stopped it?”

“I don’t know. For all I know it was all complete bullshit and there was nothing like that to begin with. Maybe it was just a curse that’s finally weakening.” Jinwoo frowned. 

“Maybe.” They settled back down, Myungjun curling into Jinwoo’s arms as they pulled him back in. 

“Promise you’ll be there no matter how we wake up?” Myungjun asked.

“Promise.”

Myungjun closed his eyes with a smile. He lied earlier. He thinks he knows exactly what his happiness is, and it’s currently wrapping him in warmth. Sanha was right. Kisses really do break curses.

“… I love you too.” He whispered to an already sleeping Jinwoo, and joined him soon after.

.  
.  
.

Somewhere far away from the sleeping lovers, a small figure sweeps broken glass off her floor with a smile. Taking all the pieces, she puts them in a small box and carries them through a door that was out of plain sight. She walks over to a shelf and places the box among a collection of other boxes, each carved with words. Her smile grows, and the building seems to shudder in agreement. 

“I knew you could do it.”

Then a chime is heard from the other side of the door, and she turns to greet her new customer. “Another already? So many dreams, so little time.” She gives one last glance at the box, then sweeps out of the door, clicking it shut behind her. 

The box seems to shine for a minute, then words carve themselves into the lid. 

‘To love, be loved, and love oneself.’ –Kim Myungjun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! The ride was very quick, but I enjoyed writing this and reading all your lovely comments! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my strange little story! I had a lot of fun. :) So much so, that I was actually thinking of turning it into a series and tackling Binu and Socky! They would be significantly cheerier than this one, my ideas are much more on the comedic fluffy side. Especially for Socky. Please let me know what you think and if anyone would be interested in reading that! If you have any comments or questions you feel I didn't answer, please leave them below! I will do my best to answer. ^.^ Thank you so much again; until next time my lovelies!

**Author's Note:**

> I loved the bottled dream concept, so I’m afraid I took it and twisted it a bit for my purposes. I hope that wasn’t too bad! Please let me know what you thought, the good and the bad! I want to improve! This was edited purely by me so feel free to point out any typos. Thank you again so much for reading! See you later my lovely people! ^_^


End file.
